~gash-kage

Wow it sure is funny how you find something you never expected to find when you were looking for something else. I was just digging through some boxes of mine for old drawing pads of mine becuase I felt like drawing and a old notebook pad Ive had for a while fell open to an old letter I had written. It was to Jakki when we were first having problems. I didnt want to read it although a sentance caught my eye to read the letter anyway. The thing is after reading it I finnaly realized how great of a guy I really am. Everyone that I know whos ever talked to who's close to me how good of a person I am and thats why people like or love me for who I am. Even Jakki has told me that, the thing is though ever since she left me I've been blaming myself the whole time. Trying to find out why she left and what could I have done to prevent or at least made her happy. Its kinda hard to see yourself as a wonderful person when you feel like an ass for the actions youve been taking just becuase your angrey and mad almost to the point full of hate. The only thing you can think about is getting even or making them angry to and just laughing at them in thier plight.

But doing things out of irrational angered actions only causes more problems than before and maybe if I had realized that then instead of now maybe I'd have her back in my arms again however seeing how that isnt the case perhaps it just wasn't meant to be and fate had me learn a lesson I'll never forget. By now she probably hate's my guts to death and could care less if I was dying in a gutter sickened, hungrey and homeless.

Heh heh ....... man....Thats kinda my fault for being a pain in the butt, immature, selfish, reckless and implusive. Then again when she's provoking me, that didn't help either. Kinda just did things without thinking or even haveing a plan. Guess we all just have learn life lessons the hard way.

Anywho Ive done a lot of soul searching along with reflecting of who I am now and how I used to be in the past. Trying to be the ideal person I want to one day be and achieve that goal. Along with many other goals in mind.

Needless to say I once said for a heart to heal it takes how long you with that person and for me it was six months. So as of January 25th 2008 its been six months and Im feeling better, at least good enough to just 'date' again but nothing serious. I dont want anything serious for along time, nothing serous for a few years hopefully. Ive got things I want to do in life.